.

You were in a corner hugging a teddy bear when I got into your bedroom. I told you not to be afraid, that I wouldn’t hurt you. But we both knew that that wasn’t true. There was a reason why I was there, but it wasn’t a happy one.

To every word I said, you would just hug your teddy even harder. ‘Come on! It will be fun’ I said. But there was no way that I could fool you. You were so smart.

I didn’t want to do it that way, but I had no choice. It was getting late and the job had to be done. I picked you up of the floor. You didn’t resist, you knew it was your destiny. No sound came out of your little mouth. No tear felt down your pretty face.

We left the bedroom slowly. I wanted you to keep the memory of it all. But your eyes were closed. You had already said goodbye.

.

I wanted you come with me. I wanted you to be part of my life. But you never did.

I don’t know if it was me or just my choice. I just know I was wrong.

I thought you were sending me sings, but I was only seeing what I wanted to see. Every time we were together, I got into a parallel world were you and I didn’t belong with the others.

Suddenly reality hit me and all I have left are memories of a past we didn’t share. Memories of what I thought we were sharing, when the only one living them so vividly was me.

And now I have my sorrow, the only one who has never left me. I’ll cry a river. No matter what I do, it’ll stay with me forever.

.

Don’t look at me like that. I can’t stand the look in your eyes. Just do it quickly with no regrets.
Don’t be shy. We both know this is what we wanted. This is what we got ourselves into.
There is no need to be careful or gentle. The faster the better. I’ll be less painful.
I promise I won’t scream. I’m ready.
Come on, get closer. Just rip my heart.

.

I’d never thought it would take this long. I started years ago, but I still can’t seem to find it. Maybe I’m not looking in the correct place. Or maybe I’m not searching in the right way. I’m more and more clueless everyday.

I wish I could stop my mind for a second. I wish I could stop the voice inside of my head telling me to never stop. I wish I could stop thinking and just let it be.

I should sit down for a while. Take a breath. Maybe that will help. Maybe I’ll see it all clearer. But I can’t. Maybe I’ll just never find it. Maybe I just got it all wrong.
I’m tired of searching and never finding. And I’m tired of thinking. I wish you could give me a sign. I wish you could help me find it. I really need you to be the one to take me there.

Only that way, I’ll be able to stop thinking. Only that way, I’ll be able to breath.

I really want you to take me to that tree.

.

I was still holding her when she felt asleep. The sunshine was illuminating her beautiful face. She looked like an angel. She was so full of peace.

I was yet amazed of how easy it had been. I was terrified at the idea of even trying to do it before. But it all turned out so good in the end. I didn’t know how, but I’d managed to get enough courage and just do it.

She was so quite. I didn’t want to let her go. I wanted to feel her for some more minutes. Neither of us was moving. It felt as if the time had stopped for both of us.

Suddenly, a voice calling my name broke into the room. I stood up slowly and placed her in her cradle. While I did so, I could see her smile getting smaller. I kissed her in her forehead and left the room.

.

It was late, you came home crying. You said you needed to be hugged. I walked towards you, but you pushed me away.

It’s been three days since that happened. It’s been three days since the last time left your bedroom.

I can here you crying every time I pass by the door. I want to help you, but you keep on shoving me out. You say I wouldn’t understand.

You’ve always tried to look stronger, struggling in a fight with your tiers. You say you love being different, but all you do is wonder why you are not like the others.

You think I’ve had enough. You think you’d be a burden if you ever do something I don’t like.

But you’re too young to regret. I wish you would listen to me now. I wish I haven’t made you this way.

.

She had the most beautiful carapace you could have ever dreamt of. Everybody that passed by her, would get astonished by her beauty. She had all the colors of the rainbow and she even sparked. But no one had ever seen her face.

She was a mistery. Everybody talked about that stunning tortoise, even though no one actually knew who she was. She had never talked to anyone. They still knew she was inside.

Rumours said that she used to get out in the middle of the dark. In the middle of the night no one would ever catch her. She did not want to be known. She did not want to be judge. Hiding inside of her carapace she felt safe. She was so scared of the others that she could not see she was slowly suffocating.

One morning everybody woke up late. It all looked different, the sea was darker. Something was missing. She had let the fear kill her.